In an effort to make things easier, Apple will be releasing the iPatch this week. The device’s screen will be literally on your eye. In patch form.

For those of you who have been disillusioned by paper in the past, Apple is on a mission to revolutionize the way you think about it.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs was busy earlier this morning, announcing some breathtaking new products that his company was ready to release. The iPad (which is realistically just a less-convenient, wide-screen version of the already-popular, extremely portable and convenient iPod) was the item that received the most attention. However, it’s not the most revolutionary project Apple is working on.

“8.5 inches by 11 inches just isn’t cutting it anymore,” acknowledged the excited Apple figurehead. “People have more to say, and they need more space to work on. Hence, the iPaper.”

Jobs then proceeded to walk off the stage, get into a pick-up truck, turn it on, and back it up onto the stage. In the truck’s bed was what looked to be a massive sheet of paper.

“This is gonna change the way you think about paper forever,” he continued, as he got out of the truck. “30 feet by 45 feet. Now THAT’S paper.”

After the roar of enthusiastic applause settled down, the questions began. When asked how this new product was any more convenient and necessary than a regular sheet of paper, Jobs dramatically removed his glasses and glared silently back at the reporter who asked the question.

Longtime Apple fan, Mathew Lacey, was excited about the new project and its unbelievable potential.

“I would easily pay upwards of $499 for the iPaper,” he proclaimed. “I write a lot, and I always end up running out of paper. So, this just makes it so much easier. It’s like having 500 sheets of paper all connected into one massive sheet of paper.”

Upon closer inspection of the iPaper, we noticed that it was, indeed, about 500 sheets of paper scotch-taped together into one massive sheet of paper. So, Apple was, once again, just taking something already in existence and essentially making it bigger and giving it a new name.

“It’s basically Apple’s revolutionary new Unibody paper structure,” said Apple’s chief engineer, Harry Harrison. “It’s not ‘scotch tape’. It’s ‘iTape’. It keeps every part of the iPaper intact.”

He added: “We’re also working on having the iTunes store integrated on the sheet of paper… Not electronically. You’ll just have to physically draw on the paper what you’d want from the iTunes store. Wishful thinking, really. The iPaper is perfect for that.”

The iPaper doesn’t cost you any extra for all the built-in scotch tape. But some of the other accessories may cost a pretty penny.

“The truck will cost you extra, though,” Jobs added. “You’re gonna need it in order to carry around the incredibly massive iPaper. We’ll be working on that soon. It’s tentatively called the ‘iTruck’.”

Apparently, it’s just a normal truck. Just bigger. And it costs more than anybody needs to ever pay for something. So, in other words, it’s revolutionary.

We can’t wait.